Terror @ Pulau Ubin (Breaking it Down)

1. I imagined it all based on an irrational fear. August made up his version of the story and fed my fear.

2. Our minds fed off each other's and created this whole situation.
- I had vocalised my thought that the Clearing would have a lot of insects when we saw the swarm. Is that why he said later those birds looked like insects?
- I was the one who brought up the eeriness at the Clearing first (over dinner). Is that why he also felt that there was something there?

3. We did encounter some thing(s) along the way at Pulau Ubin.
- August's take is these things have their own reality, their own realm that they possibly fully believe in and that's what shapes their realm. We too, have our own reality, the here and now that we exist in. But their influence was stronger there, that's why we got sucked into their reality and we lost ours. That's why we couldn't see the exits even if they were in front of us.

4. Parts of it were generated by his mind... and parts by mine.
- At the Clearing, on our way out, I saw the road we should've taken. I saw it though it looked like a really small road and while riding up towards the dead end, I saw the road the whole time. But for some reason, I felt really confused and was just looking at the road without it registering.
--> Maybe his mind was latched onto not seeing it that I don't know what I was seeing too?

- On one of the paths leaving the Clearing, there was an angmoh boy cycling alone. I thought, why is he alone? August thought I meant he was a manifestation but no, I just didn't want him cycling alone to where we came from - a really bad place. With that thought, the dad suddenly appeared behind him. Did I conjure that? What is real and what isn't???

- A lot of times on the way, I wanted to just say "Let's turn around." Given how scared I was, that made sense but for some reason, I didn't and just followed him. He got lost and I got lost. I just didn't say anything. Why? Was I caught in his dream?

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I don't know anymore. I've forced myself to go through it in my head over and over again and I've forced August to repeat his version of the story and what he actually saw and felt, all this time just looking for a loophole, a clue that would suggest that we had imagined this. But I can't find it.

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On Monday, I think my mind fractured a little. Because of what August said about not being sure if we had left the island at all, I kept expecting at any moment, to snap awake from this reality right here, right now, to find myself back at Pulau Ubin, like I hadn't left at all.

It doesn't help that the images of the Clearing and the paths are at the back of my mind the whole time, like a wallpaper against which every other thought is placed. So they remain there!

I know why I feel like that. Though I have encountered spirits before, I've never been engaged for such an extended period of time. It felt like we were trapped in a nightmare that we just couldn't awake from. Was it real? Was any of that real?

Worst of all, my reality has never changed before. The spirits had remained there, infringing into my world but my world has remained the same. This time round, reality had changed.

Whatever had happened, be it my imagination or our imagination or not, the roads did change! It was concrete, I experienced the toughness of getting up that slope that didn't exist later! The maps that didn't make sense. They were there!!! How could they be unreal???

I don't understand it. And I'm still struggling to let go of this fear. I ask for your prayers, whoever reads this, for both me and August.