Lent

i packed my bags in trepidation last night. i wasn't sure if i had anything that is necessary to equip me to venture into the desert for the next 40 days.

i needed a lot of Strength to complete my journey. and the entire pool of it was standing right before me. all i needed do was to ask for the gift to be bestowed on me. but i couldn't ask for it. for some reason, i was afraid. even if it was given to me, it only meant i would have no excuse not to make crossings into unknown territory. it meant that even if i were stranded or desperately lost, i would have to continue trudging along till i crossed the desert.

i saw many obstacles ahead.
there would be oases beckoning me that were not where my refreshment would be from.
there would appear invitations to take a breather or to re-route to an easier path that i should not tread upon.
i would feel like i was being torn apart on some days.
other days, it would seem perfectly fine to take a pause except that i would never move on from the break if i were to take it.
as if the journey wouldn't be tough enough, there would be a thousand and one situations that would arise to complicate matters... situations that would make it perfectly alright for me to quit.

+++++

i finished my last stick of cigarette. or rather, my companion did. sometimes, life is full of humored ironies.

this pack of cigarettes came to me some time over the last few days while i had been preparing for my journey. i know that i cannot take it with me - it is forbidden. but i didn't want to trash it either. why waste the good drug?

of course, bemused me pondered if this is a sign that i should try to smuggle the cigarettes with me on my journey. but the humorous One upstairs sent me a companion.

he would have been my stumbling block. i actually suspected that he would be my weak link, the one who will convince me that it's OK to take the ciggys with me.

instead, he helped me to get rid of it. last night, he was an instrument of God. the one whom God sent to help me make the final decision.

now that my choices are clearer, i have not much to do other than to brave the storms ahead and forge my way through the dry land for the next 40 days.

and suddenly, i saw the gleaming pool of Strength again. it is right before me, within my grasp. and i asked for it. and i received. and so it is, i enrolled myself into another battle, one that i will happily fight in.

so i accept the grace of Strength, and i wave goodbye to the good drug. at least, for now. and i know that this desert will be crossed, like it or not, be it filled with obstacles or is one easy stretch. i made my choice and my Lord will be with me, for sure.

so i say, Thank You Lord for bringing me on this journey with you.
and i say also, Get thee behind me, Satan! for you will not win this battle, not while i have my God as my companion.

i am happy. the journey begins...