i cried myself to sleep last night

... when i returned Home,
only to be greeted with its everything that breaks my heart.

... when i heard my grandpa's voice ringing loudly in my head,
only to realise it's merely an empty echo in my mind.

... when once again surrounded by people who love me so well,
i find myself standing alone at the edge,
with solitude filling the hollow within and drowning me alive.

i want to fall over the precipice into the dark and insane world.
surely it's not so bad to lose one's mind?
comfort it may bring,
to be lost in a world completely unreal to everyone but myself.
the dark beckons, and i must respond.
i want to close my eyes and never open them
if all i see is myself standing alone again.