NYE 2002

It's NYE 2002.

We are back together - again, after having spent a month or two apart, when we had gone our separate ways. I can't say that either is the best decision. I felt it wasn't right when we split up. But I don't think it is very smart to get back together while I am still scarred.

But then, I'm just so relieved that the pain in my heart is being soothed that I don't want to acknowledge any other emotion.

And Christmas has just passed, my favourite time of the year.

He had agreed to come with me to my annual Christmas gathering with my friends at Snow White's house.

We are having lots and lots of drinks. It isn't an alcoholic feasting but the spirit (pardon the pun) of the festivities is in the air. There is much booze around and with all this love and joy in the air, we are all having one too many drinks.

I will remember dancing to the Ketchup song. I will remember him dancing to it too. We are all just letting loose and acting all silly and dumb. But it is great.

He and I are now sitting on Snow White's couch, me intoxicated, him barely, and we are singing "Somebody". My friends groan and laugh but we sing, from the first word to the last. It may have been romantic if I am sober but I'm not. I'm not drunk - not yet - but just so intoxicatedly high and happy.

I am so high now but I have been dancing the whole night, or rather, jumping. He jumps a lot. I don't know why but that influences me and I have started jumping a lot too. I haven't stopped since. Sometimes, it's because there's this joy bubbling within or the realization that I'm alive and the happiness that courses through me bursts forth in little spurts that I have to jump!

In any case, I jump a lot tonight and because I am getting from high to drunk, I have little motor control so I fall a lot too. I jump and fall, on my bruised knees and at one point, I am so tired I decide not to get up. So I just fall on the floor. He comes over and he picks me up and we stand there, holding each other.

Tonight is the first night that I will pass out before the NYE countdown. I fall asleep on the couch. This feeling is nice. I don't feel pukey nor ill. i am just happy and tired from all the excitement.

+++++

Finally, we get up to go home. I wake up, stagger to the gate, wearing only one slipper. I step out onto the road. I am conscious of what I'm doing and I know fully well, at this point even, that this is dangerous. But there is a feeling of invincibility. Not that I cannot die. But because I feel so good and there is so much love surrounding me that it's ok even if I am to die.

Snow White exclaims from the door, "Come back! Why are you standing on the road!!!"

In the next few minutes, he dashes out. I don't know what happened, except suddenly, I am in his embrace and his strong arms are holding on tightly to me. He helps me in.

We walk home to my house arm in arm, laughing, staggering, complaining, happy.

+++++

That was 4 years ago. Almost a whole 4 years.

This morning, as I stepped out of my bathroom, I noticed this white pouch sitting on my table. It has always been there but I had forgotten about it. So I opened it to see if I can fit some pens into it.

I found a little silver foldable, compact photo frame that Collie and Harbinger had given me for Christmas the year before. My heart leapt. I knew what was inside though I had forgotten.

Opening it, I smiled. A photo of us on that NYE night. He had sat in one of Snow White's chair in the living room, resting from the endless dancing and I had hopped around and collapsed into his lap at one point. Somebody took a photo of us like that. I was on his lap, with one arm around his shoulders. He was trying to keep the both of us from toppling over.

We were both laughing merrily away! That shot was captured perfectly.

Perfectly. I remember that night. It was a happy time.