Remembering Holy Week - Easter Vigil 2007

we kept to our tradition of hunting down missing Elect, risking heart failures in the process; hunting down missing blue garments for them to wear into the Font (a dark colour to symbolise their old life), even though we had counted them from 2 weeks earlier, and counted them repeatedly over Holy Week and counted them God-knows-how-many-times from Maundy Thursday to Saturday and especially on Saturday. still, they go missing; counting out corsages for the RCIY and RCIA godparents, freaking out cos we didn't have enough... somehow, even though we counted and COUNTED (!!!) and then ending up with a BASKET FULL after every godparent has taken theirs.

i don't understand.

but praise God.

i don't know how the preparations in canteen went... was only there towards the end. and i shut out everything and forced myself to sit down and rest. it didn't work, my mind was still racing but i could feel God's comforting presence...

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Liturgy of Baptism began. i went cold. but that's normal.

jojo and i got ready to move out of Church to help in the toilets. but we hung around to watch the first baptism. that wasn't even immersion! Giselle just gave birth a week ago and so she couldn't be immersed. Fr Viet poured water over her head and said, "Giselle, i baptise you in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit."

now. this is what happens at every baptism. at some point or other, the feeling of elation will come over me and i will be so lifted i would've risen above any physical pain i'm in. you can feel your spirit soaring and me being the kwybaby i am, i will give in and let the tears fall. usually, this happens AFTER the baptism rite - first year was during the dressing of the white garments, second year was towards communion. i hope and pray every year that God will still give me this nourishment but somehow or other, i'm prepared to be disappointed each time, maybe when i've stopped doing God's work or when i'm doing it without heart anymore. in any case, i KNEW i would feel something this year cos God knows i needed it. i just wasn't prepared for when it hit me. too early. haha.

watching Giselle, hearing those words that seem to be cues to turn on the taps to my eyes, the tears came. but i could blink them back. then jojo turned to look at me, (she was in front of me. we were both kneeling on the floor as we got out of our pews so as not to block those behind us) and both our faces probably reflected each other's expressions - we were laughing so joyfully with eyes shimmering red.

so we continued to hang around cos we wanted to watch just ONE immersion. and the first to be immersed wasn't even from RCIA. it was a youth from RCIY and as he (or she?) climbed into the font, my heart swelled. and Fr said again, "i baptise you in the name ..." and i melted. then the kid poked his head up and the congregation burst into applause. thundering applause, much louder than they did at Giselle's and Bird's mum-in-law's non-immersion baptism. AND I BURST INTO TEARS. i was weeping like a baby. and jojo and i got up and started running out of Church to help the wet people. and both of us were crying.

it came so early this year. but it gave me the strength i need. the question that i had asked myself, tormented myself with for the last 2 weeks resurfaced in my mind: Just how much is a journey worth? How much are we willing to pay for it?

this time, the question popped into my mind and the answer that had been given to me from the very first baptism i worked on, the one after mine, an answer i'm all too familiar with, came to meet the question. "It doesn't matter how much. It'll be worth it."

i ran back into Church after Shirley got baptised as i wanted, needed to see Leo's. my godsister's husband. my good friend and brother. we waited 3 years for this. i expected to just be happy with the joy i felt. he climbed into the font and i started SOBBING AGAIN!!!! gosh! ruby-doo was at the last pew and i was standing there and we were both crying. probably for different reasons but we were so touched.

then Leo walked past us. Mr C went to... don't know what he did. did he hug him? not sure. ruby-doo hugged him and reeeallly gave in to her sobs. jojo was standing to my side and when she saw ruby-doo cry like that, she ran out crying too. haha. gosh, so many tears!

the rest of the night passed in the same way - mayhem outside, getting the neophytes to change as quickly as possible, running from toilet to 0201 to Church door to toilet. i don't know how many rounds i ran. there were 74 people baptised. maybe 148 rounds? *faint*; mayhem inside too with the guys changing the wet towels. they went on all fours, changing towels with every neophyte who stepped out of the font.

for what we do all this? we love them dearly. sometimes, the answers aren't too clear. and all we can do is to remind ourselves to keep doing it for the right reasons even when we don't know what they are. we just know we have to do it, just be there so God can work His stuff.

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i didn't realise i was tired until i re-entered Church after sending the white angels back in. i sat at the pews and the muscles on my whole back was just pulling, tugging, punching me.

i didn't realise how tired i was until Easter Vigil ended and we were moving things back out of Church to 0201. at one point, Trix and i were moving the big table down the aisle. and my arms didn't cooperate anymore. haha.

really miss everything. having said that, in the blink of an eye, another batch will be going through Baptism. time flies by so fast. we journey with them for one year, holding their hands, growing fond of them and at the end of the road, we just have to be like John the Baptist, continue pointing them towards Jesus and watch them advance on their own towards him... and letting go of them as he did with his disciples.

Happy Easter.

GREAT JOY.

Resurrection, indeed!