a last date? - Part I

when i left here some months ago to my new blog, i didn't think i'd be back here.

but now here i am; maybe this blog is meant to be a very personal diary of sorts then.

met up with the Apostle on 21 May.

that few weeks, the whole getting-married bit was getting into my psyche. it hit me that i won't get to date anymore, nor will there be anymore getting closer back to ex-es thing anymore either. honestly, not that i want to get back with my ex-es. it's just always been that way, like when things fall apart, it seemed to be a matter of time before things got back together.

how do i put it?

not getting back together, or not getting together with anyone is fine. but not having that option is a different matter altogether.

so it started that one night, i dreamt of potato. one of those usual dreams i had over many years - when i had to choose between him and someone else. in some dreams, i would choose to go with potato and though it made the other partner sad, i knew it was the right choice. in some other dreams, i had to leave with the other person and it was so sad to leave potato behind.

those are dreams - remnants of the amount of hurt i went through all those years ago with potato. and while i know even exactly how long it takes to recover from those nightmares - one day - they affect me nonetheless.

i went through one day agonising over this pointless dream. pointless because it's a DREAM, nothing more.

one night, reaching home at about 3am after pump room with ruby-doo and trix, i made 2 calls. one to potato (who didn't answer, haha, and who never returned my call either) and another, an sms to the Apostle whom i then spoke with over the phone and chatted with over sms.

and so we planned to meet up.

strangely, at a time when i didn't think we would ever meet again.