some passions should be given up

here i am... at 8.13pm on a Tuesday night, munching MacDonald's fries that my colleague, skyvva, bought me for dinner.

tomorrow is printing day for the paper. i have not worked this late for a long, long time. right now, i am filled with a sense of deja vu and nostalgia all rolled up snugly together.

yes, i am thinking of the old life. the old life filled with endless late nights, not enough sleep, hours of waiting and too much cigarettes and booze to stay awake and to reassure ourselves we have a life, all at the same time.

the advertising industry is everything the imagination perceived it to be - every bit as "glamorous" (glamour being a sham for the ugliness beneath, as even the imagination couldn't mask), bitchy (call it survival or instinct or, for some, nature) and fast-paced. ironically, i thrived on the adrenaline, nothing else.

it's been said that you need faith to survive in the advertising world. otherwise, you won't be able to pull through all the self-doubts and uncertainties. well, for the Creatives at least.

the problem is, i didn't have that faith to begin with. i went into advertising because firstly, it was a viable option that seemed like fun but mostly, because someone i loved had told me that i wouldn't be able to - that i was just daydreaming.

looking back, those days were thoroughly exhausting. and it was that, which kept me going.

exchanged some SMSes with Mr Cheong just last week. he's left for greener pastures and according to him, the grass IS greener at the destination that he's arrived at. good for him. and he asked if i miss the fast life.

OH YES I DO!!!! I MISS IT SO DAMN MUCH!!!

but i know how this works. who wants to settle for the simple and nice life when they can have the exciting and passionate one? not me. well, not always.

do i regret my decision? absolutely not. i know exactly why i left. it was the life, the culture i like, not the job, not the work.

so i still look back on those days with a lot of affection but i am happy as hell that i'm in a place that resembles less of that, despite the cacophony and the insane exchanges happening around me everyday.

and yes, i am working "late" in the office. late by the standards here... but it would have just been the start of the second half of the work day previously.

love the quiet, the night, the stillness in the office... time to do what i want to do, at my own pace, in my own way. best thing is, i am perfectly happy here.

contentment is a big substitute for ecstasy, especially when the ecstacy isn't real to begin with.