Prayers Work... Be Careful.

when i was in college, i fell in love with a boy i didn't know.

a year later, we went to Changi beach. there, we spent an afternoon not doing anything much. it didn't go well at all. but he left me with three words that i carried with me even when he disappeared. he described that afternoon as "time well spent".

a year later, when i was on my knees praying for love to take me out of my loneliness, i had in mind a specific person to ask for and it wasn't him. but somehow, when i uttered my prayer, his name came to my lips as he came to my mind and heart. so i prayed for him as a companion.

i tell you today, prayers work.
be careful.

a year later, i bade him farewell as he crossed the gates at the Airport to cross thousands of miles to get to another shore where a new life awaited him. i remember that on the night before he left, i touched his face as i lay beside him and i felt my heart breaking. i didn't know why and i didn't dare to cry. i remember on the way back from the airport that night, the cab driver insisted on staying on one mandarin station that had a woman's melancholic, hauntingly sorrowful voice singing about the last time she met her lover.

it did turn out to be the last time i was with him.
my love walked through the gates of Changi Airport and he disappeared again.

i banged hard on Heaven's gates and demanded to know why God answered a prayer that he knew would end up in heartbreak and tears.

six years later, he returned to me... at a time when i didn't foresee it and at a stage in my life when i couldn't accommodate anyone with me. i had a new job, working as a servant on a big vineyard, a job that occupies all my time and leaves me feeling vulnerable and empowered all at the same time. but i felt that i needed someone, a physical partner.

i had someone in mind. and i rang for God (we had made up) and asked if he might send me someone. i knew that God probably had someone in store for me and i didn't have to worry about where i was going to find time to meet people, spending all my time sweating in the vineyard. He will provide.

but the first prayer i sincerely made for someone to be my companion in the last two years was uttered. i thought it might be the Apostle. it turned out not to be. it turned out to be him. the boy whom i didn't know and fell in love with when i was in college.

i tell you today, prayers work.

my memory returns to those moments when i knelt at Novena pews begging for God to take my pain away after he left. i remember trying to bargain with God and conceding that, fine, take him away for NOW so we can grow individually but please to return him to me after we have had our fair share of experiences.

i tell you again... prayers work.