taking another peek into pandora's box

i've been asked to return to the advertising world.

i don't want to move because i like the job and i honestly am only beginning to get the hang of doing it.

there are so many reasons why i don't want to be in that industry:
i don't believe in the work and so i lose sight so easily of the reasons why i do what i do.
there are too many people with too many different masks - there's seldom much sincerity in the friendships forged.

well, ok, maybe it's just 2 reasons after all. with No. 1 as the biggest push factor.

yet the invitation has once again, awakened something lying dormant... in my blood.

of course, there are other reasons that i consider... for example, getting a few hundred dollars more each month, and with subsequent better advancements... which means i don't have to scrimp and save each month, and i don't have to feel guilty when i shop or just want to spend money... i get to pamper myself a lot more...

... and i get to provide my family with more.

i suppose this was not a big concern growing up. the family was doing pretty well then. but not anymore. and with grandpa's passing, it made me very aware that from here on, the next people to go will be my parents... so while they are here, i want to give them more. and i want to have money to pay for their hospital bills should they need to be warded in future.

yesterday's sharing reaffirmed these thoughts. the question was, who are we responsible for? it's like a call that rang again - my parents. i am responsible for them now.

as the only Catholic in the family, it makes, made it difficult for my parents to explain to my grandparents what i do. it's difficult for me too... i wonder if they're embarrassed. not that i'm ashamed. it's just suddenly all coming together. i'm really not complaining. i'm just wondering.

i told Mr C about this and he said, "Be Christian." i know... i told him.
"but i'm 27!" i protested.

actually, i'm still 26. there's a part of me that wants and craves the things every young thing wants.

gosh... i miss the energy... the adrenaline...
and even as i scoff at how shallow the party-going can get, boy, are they great parties!

i miss the late nights... the exhaustion...
the wining, drinking, smoking, idle chatting, bitching...
i miss going to work the next day zombified because of another meaningless night of partying but have half the office as zonked as you.

i wrote something like this a month or so ago... probably repeating the same materials.
but that damned invitation is stirring my blood wild.

believe me, i like the job i have now. i never have to question why i'm writing a certain article, or at least, not the way i used to. i don't question the integrity of my role... and the best part is, i don't think there's a better place i can go to.

AND YET!!!

it's just one of those love-hate relationships. well, ok, i hate everything about the advertising industry, everything but the generous spurts of adrenaline.

and that, i miss... quite a lot actually.

*sigh*