Counting Down the Last of 2006

i know it's over.

i know.

i can't say i'm relieved or that i feel any regret. 2006 has come and gone. so much has happened, as with every freaking year. time is just flying by these days. they no longer pass by on seconds, minutes and hours but in how many winks your eye makes before the year just whizzes by right before you.

it has been an exceptionally short year, it seems. maybe because i've had more experiences and gone through more varieties of emotions.

one of the comments i've heard repeated many times over the year is, "you've grown a lot." thanks, man.

it seems one has grown when one no longer cries when one is sad and when one accepts certain situations because one recognises that some things are just beyond one's control.

when i look back over a year, i always tend to see more bad things than good - initially. i see with every passing year, that i've grown that bit more vulnerable and feeling more heartbreak than before.

having said that, i remember XJ once asking me, "what's so happy about the new year?"

"something good must have happened this year," i said.

and it's true. with all those heartbreaks and disappointments, letdowns and certain 'failures', something good still comes out of it.

it's usually growth.
getting through the worst moments that paralyses me each year enlightens me that it is possible to find the energy, even if only to crawl, before slowly standing up on my feet again to go through the dark.
not being able to reach God at times that renders me completely helpless teaches me to treasure the moments when i am so near Him i can feel His presence right within me.
and finally, feeling my heart breaking to smithereens every year helps me to realise that no matter how many times over it breaks, there is still enough... always just enough... to help me live and love, again and again and again.

and so, as i look back over 2006, i feel immense gratitude, that though fun times may be more mellowed, that i am still young because i choose to be and i am still able to love, even if it needs more constant reminders.

so goodbye 2006 *waves*. i will never see you again but you will always be there in my dreams and be the foundation my life needs to move forward.

Thank You, wonderful year that has whizzed by.