Crappy Perspectives

ah yes, it is another one of those nights.

i turned on my stereo to play the Christian CD that i'm hooked on currently, the one with songs like "Just Let Me Say", "Seek Ye First" and "In Moments Like This" but then the music on Class 95 wasn't too bad and so i left it tuned in to that station.

Kitty was meowing away downstairs. she decided to sleep on the couch tonight rather than upstairs with us. she was probably too exhausted to climb up the 20 steps earlier. she was sleeping the whole night. but she must have woken up to discover that everyone has retired for the night and that she was alone in the living room. hence, the complaining. i went down to placate her and she immediately returned to her comfortable position on the couch. what a spoilt cat.

so it is one minute to 12am, one minute to a new day. and once again, i am several hours past the time i wanted to go to sleep. i'm beginning to realise that i will forever be past my ideal bedtime. i wonder why i have taken this long to succumb to this resignation.

two years later, i'll be 30. 30 to some will seem like such a young age. being 30 to others are unimaginable. for me, i still feel 18 most times. then, i feel like i am ready to live many lifetimes of adventure and life. except the times when i'm downy. then i feel like i've lived for ages and unfortunately, have many more lifetimes to go. what a change of perspective can do.

why are people so strange?

if we were told of the exact time of our death, every single minute will be savoured and cherished with such depth. and yet, just because we don't know when, we live our lives recklessly and carelessly, without heed of the consequences of our action and without truly reciprocal appreciation of this gift.

if i knew i was going to die soon, chances are i'll choose not to sleep until i absolutely have to. but because i think i'll live forever, all i can think about is sleeping.

i wish this life will never end sometimes. i suppose that's when heaven is on earth.

yet, if i really had a chance to live forever, i will run far away. watching those i love die... but then again, if we never have to die, then wouldn't it be perfect? that would be heaven on earth! or that would just be heaven.

ok, i feel my mind getting entangled up in the concept of eternity again.

in my limited human capacity, eternity makes me want to die. it feels soooooo loooooooooongg................ and forever....... and never-ending....... feels so tiring!!!!

ok i'm losing my grip on sanity. and my blogs nowadays feel like crap.

good night.