i am THREE.

Happy Birth Day to me!!!!!!!!!!

three years ago, on this very day, i was born again and ready to die.

i had no idea what the readings were for Easter Vigil 2004. except that there was a Genesis reading that took forever... and at that point, i wondered why God couldn't make the world in one day and then the reading will end.

ruby-doo was the first to get baptised. i was the 9th, i think. when the Liturgy of Baptism started, Dom's choir burst into song. to me, the Church was suddenly filled with unseen angels. they were flying round and round, they were standing along the aisles, each of us Elect had our special angel with us, who put their hands on our shoulders, keeping us calm and joyful, with tender looks and loving hearts, they cared for us. the devils were glowering at us but by that point, when Dom's choir invoked all these angels who had all along been there, it was defeat for the devils. they had lost for they could not have claimed us. God had called us. we HAD responded. with 'YES'.

and when the angel song filled the air, all i wanted was to leap as high as i felt. and when it was my turn to step up to the sanctuary, it was all i could do not to dance there and to dance into the font.

"What is your name?" FD asked me as he helped me to kneel in the font. water rose up to my chest.
"Joyce," i grin.
"Joyce, i baptise you in the name of the ...... (submerged) ... *gasp* the ...... (bubbling) ... *gasp* AND of the ...... (bbrbrbrb) ..."

the oh-so-warm water embraced me. i think a part of me really did die. maybe part of my evil self. heh. and then i stepped out of the font and was hit by the oh-so-COLD!!! air.

could not... walk... legs crampe...d... arms... cramped... joints stiff...

i still cannot think too vividly of that night because if i do, i will cry again. for the beauty of what happened, that feeling of pure, sharp joy and life... i know i will never ever get to step into that water again and for the rest of my life, i will cherish that memory and regret that it cannot be repeated.

that night, with so much happiness, nothing i ever felt before, or after till now, all i wanted was to die.

i was ready to meet God. really, really. it wasn't that i felt sinless and so thought i was ready. there was just simply, nothing else i wanted in this world.

3 years have passed. i am not a baby Catholic anymore. just a toddler Catholic maybe. :D

AND HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTH DAY TO ME!