broken dreams... thank God.

RCIA has been keeping me awake these last few nights.

and it's not that i have been up working on them. on the contrary, i have been sleeping but continously woken up by them.

countless dreams that feel like reality. let's see...

dreamt of Merc bringing this old man to the registration table, saying that he can't find his name tag. everything feels so real. i am bending over the table, towards them and asking him for his name. he tells me and i ask, "are you new?" - i even know that i don't recognise him. he says no. i look at Merc and he's just as lost. so i dig around the name tag box but cannot find his tag. i look through the name list and cannot find his name. i turn towards them to enquire for more information.

i wake up... and i get up wondering if we managed to find the old man his name tag... did i? did we...? ... or was it a dream? gosh.

then i dream of jojo jumping and dancing around. she's not only being 'teh' but being super-jolly. i look at her and a few of us around the registration table exchange looks and laughs. why the hell is she jumping for?

why the hell is she jumping for? i ask as i awake and again, getting up to wonder. did it happen earlier at RCIA? or was it a dream again. ... sigh.

i dream of kwazy combining BOW groups with fweedarth vader and i am annoyed. why must they do everything together? then every other group is combining except jojo's and my group. why?

again i awake, pondering it through.

i dream i am late in printing the RCIA newsletter, Our Journey Together. and there is one more hour before RCIA begins. Mr C is gonna not be happy. i didn't dare to tell him. anyway my dad's car is with me. and so i speed along with jojo and belynda and we got to highland road. i rush upstairs and realise my laptop is in my company (whatever that is) that's in town. i want to cry. belynda looks at me helplessly and offers to go with me. so does jojo. i tell them no need. they better get back to RCIA. i'll rush along. but the journey is very much delayed and for some reason, i cannot find parking, cannot get through lights... i want to cry. and i know i cannot get it out on time but i persevere.

i wake up. and i feel so disappointed in myself. how could i have left it till so late??? and then i remember. it's OUT! we just distributed it a few days ago! i was on time! relief. but that sucky sour taste of making a big boo-boo cos of my negligence remains with me.

too many nights spent waking up fretting over RCIA.

what's wrong?

am i not doing something right? doing something with wrong reasons? not on top of things? being neglectful? what is it... is it a warning? my subconscious trying to tell me something?

hmm...