Little Women and Great Expectations

i am wondering, how much of our happiness or unhappiness is tied to our own expectations?

it's unreasonable to say we should not have expectations... for we all do. a lot of them are probably valid as it helps us realise who we really are through the boundaries of where we draw our lines or where we hope friendships can be forged with people who don't cross those lines with the ways they treat us or behave.

but i think... a lot of our expectations are not what we even really believe in... but things that consciously or not, we incorporate into our lives and conform to, because they SEEM to be as they should be.

and it took a woman, who, i am ashamed to say, is someone whom i have not given due respect to, to show me how blinded i am sometimes.

over the weekend, we celebrated bak kwa's birthday and N.G. was there. she told us many fascinating stories. leaving aside the gross and unnecessary ones, we'll talk about the colourful ones she shared.

if you have heard her stories, you will understand why us girls floated off into dreamland - where we walk amongst clouds in a different pair of shoes everyday... fly free with a brand new outfit every 2 hours... or accessorise according to the different shades of the sky.

she's got SIX STACKERS (what ARE stackers???) of earrings... walk-in (into ROOMS) closets of clothes... so many that she has to store some of her clothes in Bird Fool's WAREHOUSE!

let's not go into shoes and bags and watches because i will end up daydreaming the rest of the day. and she seems really happy.
now, some of the girls said, why wouldn't she be when she's got so much???

i agree, of course. but i suspect it's got to do more with "Expectations" than how much she has in her life.

i am impressed not by how much she's got but how happy she has kept herself. i am confident that i can have SIX stackers of earrings and warehouses of clothes, shoes, bags, (AND BOOKS!!!) and i might not be as happy as her.

it's not about the possessions. one can have everything in the world and feel empty. but not N.G.

she was there alone without her hubs whereas there were a few other married couples there... and she was enjoying herself thoroughly.
she admitted freely that Bird Fool was not like some of the other hubbies - he's more 'MCP' *hahahaa*... and i can still hear the love in her voice.

i like to tell people who share problems about their relationships, "if it works for the two of you, then IT WORKS". because no two relationship can be the same. and ultimately, if your partner fails you, and the world judges him/her accordingly, you are the only one who can really understand where he/she is coming from and where they have crossed your lines AND what those lines are made of exactly.

unfortunately, not even all friends are as honest nowadays. they only share the beautiful parts of their relationships, sometimes, i feel, to paint that perfect picture so as to hide the cracks. maybe it's to prove they are happy. but to whom?

true friends actually share the cracks. and those instances can bring so much relief and comfort to another who is wondering about their own cracks in their relationships. and because honest opinions are given and stories shared, about relationships or any other kinds of setbacks we face in life, i find that everyone is essentially going through the same situations.

there is no PERFECT relationship, PERFECT job, PERFECT family.
ultimately, and what's most important to me, i learn that there is no PERFECT person who just seems to have everything made and have absolutely no problem in their lives.

there is no need to ask, "How come some people can handle it so well and manage so well AND I CAN'T?"

NO. not all handle it that well. i think those who can, are able to share where they have failed or where they are stumbling. the rest just prettify their situations... possibly because they have the same doubts we do... thinking how come they are the only ones who can't seem to get it together.

and this is why i am impressed by N.G. she's not ashamed of who she is. she knows her values and what she stands for. she loves to party. at her age, that is, my mum's age, she can party harder than a lot of us. and Bird Fool is not like that. and he doesn't like her to party and he doesn't like to be with her when she does. i'm sure she's got her fair share of problems to deal with... what happens when she wants him there but he doesn't want to be?

and one can see that, despite her strong character, she is actually quite submissive to Bird Fool. that's actually very endearing to watch. (on an aside, i attended a conference on Marriage Spirituality and one participant spoke about her submission to her husband, backing it with Ephesians and what struck me was the same thing - how Happy she is with that. Happy, not just accepting.)

now my question is - if a woman's nature is different from a man's, in that women generally assume more care-giving and nurturing roles, possibly because we are built that way, who sold us the concept of being "little women", making us unhappy when we play a "little woman", when perhaps, inside, we are ok playing that role?

hmmm.... i'm not sure. i like to be strong and independent so that not every thing that falls across my path turns my world upside-down, and to know that i can take care of myself and make my own decisions but truth be told, i am a "little woman" inside. my reconciliation between the two lies here - that i am independent enough to MAKE MY OWN DECISION to want to be a housewife and take care of my kids and send them to school and back... and clean the house and wait for my husband to come home.

man, i think i'm ageing. ;)