Humility

Humility is acknowledging one's gifts and talents, not denying them.
For God gave us these special gifts, to deny them would be to deny God's blessings bestowed on us, to say that He has made a mistake in giving them to us, or that He hasn't really given us anything much at all.

false modesty is denying one's capabilities deliberately.

this was, in fact, a very new lesson to me just maybe a year ago.

i've never thought of myself as an arrogant or prideful person though i have to say that these days, i have more pride than before! still, Christian humility was a new chapter.

there was this girlfriend of mine, jes, whom i was close to when i was a new Catholic. she was an exceptionally proud person. it took me a while but it became clear that she would lie and hurt others to protect her own pride.

so i prayed hard and worked hard to not be like that. i thought that being proud of something accomplished through one's hard work was pride. how do i explain this...

if i work hard for something and it bears fruit, of course it's my hard work that led to the results.

but on the vineyard, it's different. what happens is we work hard, nothing gets done well enough perhaps but then everything works out perfectly. so to me, to claim credit for that, or to accept others' thanks, was prideful because things happened not as a result of me being there... or maybe it did, with God using us as an instrument but mostly, it was the Spirit's work! i can't be the one accepting the thanks.

what happens is that every time someone comes up to me with praise and thanksgiving, i deny everything and brush it all away. well, part of the reason is also cos i'm shy. (WHAT?! ME!? SHY?!!) yes. haha.

so i have to say that the very first time i heard that it was false humility to brush aside one's work, it hit me very hard. was i being falsely modest? am i denying that God has done His work, sometimes through me?

well, i don't know.

the lessons also go like this: when someone thanks you for a job well done, praises you for all you've contributed, instead of denying it and brushing it away, point all that to God. for without Him, we wouldn't be able to do anything. give glory to Him for all that He's accomplished. we were merely His hands and feet.

i am still learning. i think it's got to do with upbringing. when someone compliments me, i feel "paiseh". haha. i started to acknowledge it when people say they like my bag, my shoes, i look pretty, etc.

where the vineyard is concerned, i am still quite unable to channel or redirect whatever is done to God. so i still can't accept it. this is terrible. well, i don't think i'm being falsely humble, just ... how do i do this!!!