Love Songs to God

... i am sitting on my bed now, not exceptionally tired though i know i should turn in soon since tomorrow's the start of a new week...

... i am listening to one of my Christian CDs and the song playing now is "Just Let Me Say"... some songs can open me up and reduce me to tears by its tender melody and heartfelt words... but not tonight. i am not crying, merely contented, in bliss and touched.

"Just let me say how much I love you, oh my Saviour, my Lord and friend...

Just let me hear your finest whispers as you gently call my name...
And let me see your power and your glory...
Let me feel your spirit's flame...
Let me find you in the desert till this sand is holy ground...

And I am found completely surrendered...
To you, my Lord and friend..."

i wish i can find the words to speak of just how much i love you, Lord...
but more than that, i wish i can find the energy to sustain me wanting to turn to you to just keep saying how much i love you.
more often than not, i find that i don't get in touch with you as much...

"So let me say how much I love you,
With all my heart I long for you
For I am caught in the passion of knowing this endless love I've found in you...
And the depth of grace, the forgiveness found,
To be called a Child of God
Just makes me say how much I love you,
Oh my Saviour, my Lord and friend..."

And so here i am, feeling ever thankful for His precious gift of life... the wonderful and extremely packed weekend i had, the excitement, the love, the joy and magic (somewhat) and well, the guidance i feel, the wonderful, wonderful time...

i might write more about this tomorrow but for now, just in case i don't, i wanna remember here in this blog, the Mooncake Boardwalk 2007, made more special with Merc around... and the 10-year reunion with my YJC friends... my goddaughter's baptism today... everything RCIA... how staying away just for this one day to attend Lydia's baptism has concretised for me what it means to let it go... but in your time and in your wisdom, Lord, if you feel it's time i leave, then give me the grace to say my goodbyes but if you feel you can still use me, i fervently hope to stay on with the RCIA for all the joy and love i've found, for all the family i have from there.

this is one of those nights when i feel that life is absolutely sweet even though i feel almost entirely drained of all energy.

what do you want of me, Lord? i am afraid to ask. i too, have my own dreams and desires... but for some reason, it seems you might have different plans stored for me.

"Whenever I'm afraid, I will trust in you... I will trust in you...
Let the weak say, 'I am strong in the strength of my Lord'...
You are my hiding place,
You always fill my heart with songs of deliverance,
Whenever I am afraid,
I will trust in you... I will trust in you..."

what is everything else next to you, Lord?

but why do i forget? why do i yearn for everything else?
i want to beg you for mercy sometimes, not the kind of begging i do in Lent, to deliver me from the agonising period... but this is more a bargaining. i want to beseech you, "Let me go, Lord."
i only want to be human, to own the passions that i have, to live by my heart and still lift my head up high knowing my heart's in the right place.

i am a sinner and i am unworthy. but you know that.

well, whatever you have in store for me, i know it's for the best. it's the reconciliation bit i can't work out if what i am starting to imagine is real. in any case, i will still love you... you know that... i may rebel sometimes... but please don't ever let me stray too far from you, my Lord, my Saviour, my friend.

"In moments like this, I lift up my hands to the Lord
Singing 'I love you, Lord...'
Singing 'I love you, Lord...'
Singing 'I love you, Lord...'
'I love you.'

In moments like this, I sing out a song,
I sing out a love song to Jesus...
In moments like this, I lift up my hands...
I lift up hands to the Lord...

Singing 'I love you, Lord...'
Singing 'I love you, Lord...'
Singing 'I love you, Lord...'
'I love you.....'"

I love you.........