The Lake House

Starring Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock, this show was probably released in 2006. not sure.

was watching it on Sunday evening as i writhed in agony from my suspected appendicities (thank God only 'suspected'!). it was goooood. the show, i mean. watched it again while on MC on Monday as i tried not to make sudden or quick movements in case the pain returned.

i remember critics being critical on the movie.

it's about Sandra Bullock (Kate) who wrote to the tenant after she moved out of her lake house in Chicago (my city!!!), requesting him to forward stray mails to her new address. she dropped her request in the mailbox at the Lake House.

the mail gets delivered to Keanu Reeves (Alex) who is really the tenant BEFORE Kate, not after... in fact, he's the one who leased the lake house to Kate's boyfriend and that's how she ended up living there.

how did that happen?

the mail system in USA is apparently quite messed up. now it's even succeeded in delivering mail between Kate in 2006 and Alex in 2004.

as usual, love occurs when it is least possible to sustain.

but through a series of mind-boggling time twisters, love falls into place!

it's silly, it's beautiful. the poetry of the words in their letters are sensual.

Keanu's puppy eyes as he looks at Kate when he finds her in his time, way before they started corresponding, will melt you. if you're a girl. or a gay guy.

those eyes speak the feelings we all know if and when we chance upon our soulmate – for the blessed ones, in this life in real time, for the rest of us, in our dreams outside of reality – that elusive one whom we recognise as our other half, the one we lost along the way when we transited from God's mansion to this life on earth, the one we sought before we knew what we were seeking for, the one whom we know that we know, even now when we don't know how we know and who it is we're supposed to know... but we will know when we meet... but are unable to vocalise our deep-seated knowledge.

he watches her. he looks at her. he loves her and yet he cannot tell her of all they have shared. missed opportunities, paths that crossed before their rightful time... they are all poetry in motion upon recollection but must prove to be so heartbreaking for one who's in the know and is unable to share openly.

people who want to play God must be mad. For what sorts of heartbreaks has God shielded us from, we will never know. Why seek to know when we live in such blissful ignorance? knowledge to me, is usually a curse and not a blessing. full knowledge is not meant for man. we aren't built with the constitution to withstand such pressures. for now, love is enough when we love and when God wills us to.

thank God Kate and Alex finally get together, else i will be cursing and swearing until the next movie replaces the angst i feel within!

Who says Mass isn't meant to be enjoyed?

Last Sunday, there was a power trip at our Church of the Holy Spirit during the 11am Mass. And that experience made it into my "Best Masses I've Attended" list.

It had happened just as the offertory hymn was ending. The bright, fiercely hot sun had suddenly been shielded by storm clouds. The choir was leading us into the final line in conclusion of the song and just as our jubilant voices hit the final "SING (to the glory of the Lord!!!)", a flash shot past outside our new stained glass and at that very same instant, a sharp crack was heard.

We found out later that the bolt had possibly hit one of our lightning conductors which explained why the thunder followed so closely on its heels. Participants attending the Archdiocese Alpha Pilot Run in the attic had a bad fright. Our friends manning the Bruce Kuhn sales table outside witnessed parishioners milling around at church visibly jump out of their skins. It was that near... that loud.

Back in church, I saw a choir member tap the mic and I whispered to my friend, "I think the mic is dead."

True enough, we soon realised the airconditioner had stopped as well while Father William Goh continued preparing himself for the consecration.

When he stepped back at the altar table, I just kept wondering if the mic was working. He spoke... into a mic that was soundless. Then he consulted with the altar boys. I was making my worried face, wondering if he could proceed with Mass without the mic.

One brief second of hesitation later, he stepped confidently towards the altar table again, picked up the host and chalice and spoke his prayers out loud.

A hushed silence fell over the congregation. It was dead quiet. All we could hear was Father William Goh's loud voice proclaiming his prayers. And well, one little toddler speaking out.

When it came time for us to respond, "Blessed be God forever", I felt we all proclaimed that much more fervently. Perhaps we had considered signalling our brothers and sisters sitting on the upper floor and at the backs who might not have heard Father William Goh without the mic, that it was time for us to respond... well, that consideration was needless because it seemed the whole congregation, for once, responded, loudly, clearly, as one.

Mass went on as usual. Or more wondrously than usual.

When it came time for us to wish peace, Father laughed and said, "I told y'all, we cannot trust technology. Technology just short-circuits. But PEOPLE! People – we cannot short-circuit. We must remain INTER-CONNECTED with one another. AND SO, let us wish one another a hearty sign of peace."

We laughed, we teared and we wished peace. I know I felt more love and more loved than usual.

It was a beautiful Mass. I had on my sweater because I had worn a sleeveless top underneath and I didn't want to remove my sweater... and it was hot. Father William Goh had to speak so loudly for half an hour. I'm sure some parishioners had struggled to hear him. The choir sang without their mics too.

But none of it deterred our worship. It was pure worship, in a back-to-basics setting. And it was beautiful.

a ghost walked in...

i was watching a late night movie on cable yesterday and my cat was sleeping on one of the steps on our stairs.

i happened to look towards our balcony and while peering through the glass doors into the dark outside, i suddenly wondered what if i see a face outside or another face behind me? well, just a stray thought but i wondered where that came from.

of course, i hurriedly pushed the thought away.

next thing i knew, Kitty was suddenly awake, arranging herself neatly in that one step and looking down towards me.

which brought to mind another night...

it was about 2am or so. i was working on my laptop in the living room, my usual abode, with the TV turned on. i need to have noise, even if i'm not watching the TV because it will be too silent otherwise.

Kitty was sleeping on the couch in front of me, just a distance away.

so there i was, working intently, completely oblivious to the TV and everything else. i was looking intently at whatever was on my screen when suddenly, i felt like somebody - someTHING, since there was nobody - just walked right into my house!

my main door was to my left, quite a distance away and that feeling was so strong and so real i almost looked up to see who it was that had arrived.

just as i was turning to look, it dawned on me, that nobody came in cos nobody opened the door! but, something did just come in. that feeling was unmistakable. i don't know how else to explain it but i was convinced that somebody JUST arrived.

so my heart was racing and i took a breath and i looked up towards the door. obviously i didn't see anything but i was still sure there was somebody/thing there.

and Kitty woke up too. she was sleeping soundly, in one of her deep sleep where you can walk right up to her, put your face right next to her and she would still be asleep.

but she suddenly got up. really, really sudden movement. and she sat herself down and STARED in the direction of the door as well.

i swear, my hair all stood up.

so i calmly took a breath, shut down my computer, got up, patted my cat, trying to distract her but she continued to look past me at the door, so i turned off the TV, tried to coddle her to go upstairs with me but she refused so i left her there and hurried up to my room.

i didn't run.

not cos i was brave or unafraid.

but cos if i had run, i probably would've frightened myself more.

in any case, i didn't feel it was a vengeful spirit. i think i've encountered enough (yes enough, thank you, Lord) to know the difference.

but it was scary in any case.

on days like these...

i really feel like i need to get my life straightened out. and it's not even that i find i'm on a 'wrong track'. i don't think i have anything to complain about and this doesn't even include the family i have, the life, my friends, God, faith...

i'm not doing anything too wayward - i don't party till i'm drunk, i don't shop excessively (hmm... heehee), i don't care much for mixing with the 'right' people, being in the 'right' crowd, going to the 'right' places, owning the 'right' possessions.

i do what i enjoy, i write and i work hard on keeping a whole community intact. i don't question the work i do. i go out every now and then, i play mj when i want to, i don't stop smoking just cos everyone's telling me to, i drink when i like, i drink more when i'm in the mood, i dance, i sing my heart out, i read and read and read... my life is pretty much quite meaningful, i feel.

and still, on days like that, i still feel that i need to get my life straightened out. maybe be less self-righteous, i think that's my problem too and just let go, let go, LET GO!!!!!!

of what?

i don't know.

was watching "House" last night where that female doctor... Jennie Morrison (?), the one who holds firmly to her principles euthanised a dying patient. that's a story for another time but my gosh!!! the episode dealt with euthanasia!!! (aside: i realise the depth of my Catholicism when i sympathise with the patient, fully understand why he wants to die and now will say "Unfortunately, you can't die yet..." when i was previously one for euthanasia...)

in any case, she's always been labelled the uptight and self-righteous doctor - i don't know why when one stands firm on her principles of never hurting another that such labels are cast? i've seen it many times and am genuinely confused - but when she gave in to her passions, she ended up hurting the patient (who was a bastard cos he radiated babies, probably giving them many cancers, to find cures) and the patient and Dr House both applauded her (NOT sarcastically) for finally doing what she believes in.

i am confused. i've always believed that nobody has the right to hurt another person. unconsciously, fine. but again, that boils down to having a well-formed conscience. some friends of mine hurt me with their careless comments, the way they behave, how they compare... and while i know they don't mean them (i know my friends love me dearly), i do tend to get upset periodically knowing they are downright insensitive. cos i feel while they don't mean it, surely they can be more sensitive? we're 28, it's about time we grow up and take into considerations others' feelings.

is that being self-righteous? uptight?

i know passion too. i try to live my life passionately too. but that doesn't entail hurting another. and i don't see why it should. but that's how that female doctor lives too - that's doing what one believes in right - so why is it thought otherwise?

losing time

i only started noticing this from several weeks ago.

hmmm... actually more than a month ago now!

we were at Mr C's house to celebrate Mrs C's birthday. there was lots of wine and beer around. for some reason, i didn't want to touch too much of the spirits. i think it must be a Saturday and we had to wake up early for church the next day or something.

so i drank really slowly though everyone else was trying to get me to drink. in fact, with every glass of wine i poured, i would drink perhaps only half the glass and someone else would drink it up. those alcoholics! *lol*

so then i looked at the clock at one point and it was only 9ish or 10ish. and i was completely sober and feeling good and most of all, i wasn't tired. i remember thinking to myself, "this is good! the night is still young and i'm having so much fun! there's going to be a lot more time to play and enjoy myself!"

so i started drinking a little more. by that, i don't mean DRINKING but just finally finishing my own glass of wine.

suddenly, the next thing i knew, it was 12.30am. more than half the guests had left. now, i knew that. i had personally said goodbye to them. but other than that, i don't know where the 2-3 hours went. i know what i did... giggled with the ladies, played Twister with the kids... but other than that, i had no idea what happened. there was a blank few hours.

+++++

there was one Sunday i played mahjong with the girls at ruby-doo's house. was really tired that day too. we played from noon, sometime after lunch, broke for dinner before we continued.

when we returned to the table after dinner, it was about 730pm. i asked for coffee as i could feel my body dwindling down.

we started playing and i was conscious - i mean, duh!!! obviously cos i had to make my choices of which tile to throw out, which to take in, what i'm drawing and what i want to make right... then i dunno, a couple of hours later, clara SMSed about W&T and i got angry over something so we started this exchange of SMSes. it was only THEN that i woke up.

i had lost a couple of hours in between. and i got a shock when i realised it was a few hours past 730pm! where did the time go???

i can't explain it. i know exactly what i did but it's like it wasn't me. and i was 'out of time'!

+++++

yesterday i was typing up the What's On for elong, sometime after lunch, the worst hours for me when i'm in my zombie state.

so i started working on it and almost dozed off. but i kept doing it. and i have to be alert doing What's On because of all the details involved! i did it all and then i emailed it to elong and told her i've already sent it. AND THEN, i 'woke up'. i sat gaping at my computer and wondered if i had really sent elong the file already.

i had lost time again.

i am so tired when i'm tired these days it's not funny.