on days like these...

i really feel like i need to get my life straightened out. and it's not even that i find i'm on a 'wrong track'. i don't think i have anything to complain about and this doesn't even include the family i have, the life, my friends, God, faith...

i'm not doing anything too wayward - i don't party till i'm drunk, i don't shop excessively (hmm... heehee), i don't care much for mixing with the 'right' people, being in the 'right' crowd, going to the 'right' places, owning the 'right' possessions.

i do what i enjoy, i write and i work hard on keeping a whole community intact. i don't question the work i do. i go out every now and then, i play mj when i want to, i don't stop smoking just cos everyone's telling me to, i drink when i like, i drink more when i'm in the mood, i dance, i sing my heart out, i read and read and read... my life is pretty much quite meaningful, i feel.

and still, on days like that, i still feel that i need to get my life straightened out. maybe be less self-righteous, i think that's my problem too and just let go, let go, LET GO!!!!!!

of what?

i don't know.

was watching "House" last night where that female doctor... Jennie Morrison (?), the one who holds firmly to her principles euthanised a dying patient. that's a story for another time but my gosh!!! the episode dealt with euthanasia!!! (aside: i realise the depth of my Catholicism when i sympathise with the patient, fully understand why he wants to die and now will say "Unfortunately, you can't die yet..." when i was previously one for euthanasia...)

in any case, she's always been labelled the uptight and self-righteous doctor - i don't know why when one stands firm on her principles of never hurting another that such labels are cast? i've seen it many times and am genuinely confused - but when she gave in to her passions, she ended up hurting the patient (who was a bastard cos he radiated babies, probably giving them many cancers, to find cures) and the patient and Dr House both applauded her (NOT sarcastically) for finally doing what she believes in.

i am confused. i've always believed that nobody has the right to hurt another person. unconsciously, fine. but again, that boils down to having a well-formed conscience. some friends of mine hurt me with their careless comments, the way they behave, how they compare... and while i know they don't mean them (i know my friends love me dearly), i do tend to get upset periodically knowing they are downright insensitive. cos i feel while they don't mean it, surely they can be more sensitive? we're 28, it's about time we grow up and take into considerations others' feelings.

is that being self-righteous? uptight?

i know passion too. i try to live my life passionately too. but that doesn't entail hurting another. and i don't see why it should. but that's how that female doctor lives too - that's doing what one believes in right - so why is it thought otherwise?