from point A

August played the guitar the other night, at my request. because he had said he can't sing, i expected little from the performance. he collected the classical guitar from his brother's room, searched for chords online, as i settled down with my glass of wine to see how this could turn out.

he started strumming a little awkwardly as he warmed his fingers up to the strings. and then he launched into several rock ballads, Walaz all-time favourites, 4 Non Blondes' "What's Going On", Bryan Adams' "Summer of '69", among many others.

he sang. he moved to the rhythm. and it was absolutely beautiful... and sexy! the hell he can't sing! i recorded one song on my mobile. and then we basked in the happy notes of "What A Wonderful World/Somewhere Over the Rainbow" from the "Meet Joe Black" album.

i found myself, that night, once again watching him and wondering how he managed to slip from being awkward to being so at ease in his own skin, performing and enjoying it so immensely.

it was incredibly sexy.

*****

last night, we roasted a lot of beef, portobello mushrooms and garlic bread at August's home. it was the first real formal introduction. though i have already met all two younger brothers, one younger sister and bf, bedbound gramma, parents, maid and three cats.

it was an interesting way to eat dinner. we stood around with chopsticks and forks in hand, poking or picking at our food.

i was taken aback by that familiar feeling of being so warmly welcomed into a home. the entire experience reminded me so intensely of those with Blue Caps' family. wonderful people. loving and welcoming. gosh, i do miss his parents sometimes. they were always so sweet.

so there i was last night, feeling this overwhelming sense of nostalgia. everyone was talking to me and asking me about church and sister asked me to drag August to church if i can.

"i dragged him to an outing with some old folks and he ended up trying to convert my RCIA coordinator," i replied and they all laughed, shaking their heads at the same time.

well, actually i didn't drag him at all. he wanted to go. and he's been wanting to come to church with me.

Question: should i actually invite him to? i don't want to cos i know he doesn't really want to go... he just wants to spend more time with me. and the more people know him, the more complicated it will get for me when it ends. but am i being un-instrumental? maybe this is a great way for him to find a way back to church, God willing? hmmm......

******

we had drinks at LK@Thomson. apparently he hangs out there too, as well as the LK@Serangoon Gardens. i seriously think we must have encountered each other before.

old rock ballads were playing as we sat back in our orange and blue cushioned chairs, each with a pint of cold Erdinger in our hands, him watching the afternoon sun dancing on tree tops and daydreaming about being by the beach, me watching the flurry of cars chasing one another down the all-too-familiar Upper Thomson Road.

before long, a story emerges from every song that comes on. memories were shared of our times in Primary School, first loves, first kisses, adventures, naughty adventures, memories... and then Depeche Mode's "Somebody" came on. in more romantic versions of this story, we could say it was this song that helped us 'meet'. the truer version would be simply, my use of this song caught his attention. but still, we laughed... at ourselves? the song? the coincidence? and we sat quietly singing along in between laughs.

i felt so relaxed and contented.

******

we dragged two chairs to the edge of my pool and dangled our feet in the water as we enjoyed the night breeze, with lightning lighting up the sky with increased frequency.

and we talk. and the more we talk, the faster we talk. the faster we talk, the faster our thoughts come to mind. and then we are caught up in talking, debating, arguing the finer points in life once more.

i find that amazing. i usually am lost for words.

******

as he waited for me to finish washing the canteen, he went roaming round my parish. of all places, he visited the columbariam first, and ended up at the chapel for a nap. i had kept him out of sight from Mr C who will no doubt, start being kpo all over again.

and i thanked God for August being a cradle Catholic even if he isn't one now. at least i don't feel jumpy doing my church work. i don't even have to feel apologetic for being a Catholic.

what's wonderful is that he lets me be who i want to be. i won't say, "be who i am" cos i realise i don't know who i am. but i'm basically free with him.

******

i am a terrible guardian of my own heart. then again, despite sounding like i'm in love with him, i am not. :)

not yet, anyway, as he and i used to say.

i am intensely happy now. but we'll let that wear itself out.
and in a couple of months, i'll be writing poems of heartbreak again! :D

it's still the journey that matters, right?