Excerpts from "The Difference between Good & Bad Religion" by Msgr Frank Wissel [SPIRITUALITY FOR TODAY, Aug 2006, Vol 11, Issue 1]

... Jesus' problem was not religion against irreligion. Both he and his opponents believed in the same God, studied the same scriptures, worshipped in the same temple, observed the same feast days and accepted the same basic doctrines.

The conflict between Jesus and his opponent was not one of religion against another religion, such as Judaism against Christianity, or Christians against Muslims. It was a family feud. It was a disagreement within the same religious tradition. All faiths have conflict with something and someone in their religious faith.

One cannot distinguish between good religion, and bad religion by merely checking the labels. If it happens to be our particular brand, that makes it good. If it wears any other label, that makes it bad. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Good religion is deeply committed to meeting human need, whenever and wherever it may be found. That objective is always high on its list of priorities.

When a family is out of work and out of food, good religion will be there with a sack of groceries and a word of encouragement. When hearts are broken, good religion will be there to share the grief. When sin has devastated a life, good religion will be there to care, to understand and, if need be, to forgive.

Jesus said: "The greatest among you will be the one who serves the rest." A serious commitment to practise service is one difference between good religion and bad religion.

Good religion and bad religion - the world has too little of one and too much of the other.

What kind is yours and mine?

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what kind is yours and mine? it's strange to pose that question to people who share the same belief in Him. In Him. IN HIM. not anything else. as the writer says, it's a family feud. sad.

Death and Tarot Cards

two nights ago, i dreamt my brother died. and i was filled with a deep sadness. i only wept a little but i felt the loss deep in my heart.

last night, i dreamt my grandfather died. and i remember thinking, didn't he just die recently? in any case, i was hysterical in my dream. i was sobbing uncontrollably and i just couldn't get a grip on myself.

this morning, i woke up and concluded, something's definitely changing... change is in the air... things are moving... you get the idea.

i used to dabble in the occult. *gasp* that almost sounds 'cool'. no, i'm kidding. i never did unless you consider playing with tarot cards dabbling in the occult.

but i was highly fascinated with everything occultish. in fact, 'empath' is wiccan (think witches... not the black-dressed, black-hatted, riding on broomstick with long, twisted nose kind. think... CHARMED. *giggles* those who use magical energies to do good! *aahhhh.....*)

i got a pack of lovely illustrated Tarot cards when i was 15. it seems a lot happened that year. a lot sure did. just note future blog entries that delves into the past. you'll see a lot of changes happened to me that year.

i loved my Tarot deck. i used to play with them just to improve on the way i read the cards. also because the deck is so fresh and feels so smooth to the touch. just to clear up any stereotyped misunderstandings, Tarot cards do not "tell the future". they merely reflect what you are thinking or feeling that may possibly be hidden beneath your consciousness.

that is, when you ask a question and you turn to your deck to 'answer' those questions, the cards don't predict the future. rather, YOU are the ones to choose the cards, all the while, with the question on your mind. it is your subconscious that leads you to pick the cards you choose. you are really tapping into your subconsciousness to bring to light what you ALREADY know or feel but are unable to confront or accept. the next step to so-called 'divination' lies in reading the cards right.

imagine, you are troubled by a failing relationship and you want to find out if you will pull through with your loved one. you start reading.

an example:
What am i really troubled by? (picked card "Death")
How should i go about resolving this problem? (picked card "Temperance")

significance:
Death symbolises the end of something, a change.
Temperance talks about self-control.

what does it mean?
i am troubled by a change in the relationship, possibly of something ending and i am not prepared for such changes or endings. death is seldom, if ever, about a physical death. most likely, it speaks of separation.
and what i should do to resolve my troubles is to adopt a spirit of temperance... keep myself in check, and take steps to just move forward without losing a grip on myself.

THERE! to tell the truth, i was never very good with the Tarot cards. possibly because i could never keep my emotions in check. so i always ended up getting conflicting results.

but i remember that sensation of running my fingers through the deck of faced down cards. there is a tingling at the tip of my fingers and when it's 'unbearable', i pick the card. believe it or not, sometimes, i spy one card that i want to pick out but when i reach for it, i pick a different one. it's not magic. it's not the devil. it's just the power of the mind.

and it was fun while it lasted. i still have that deck. haven't touched it since 2004.

so... Death. yes... Change is in the air. it's obvious! and i don't need a Freudian type or a Tarot card to tell me that. something's moving along... not necessarily a bad thing. i hope and i'm quite determined to ensure, that what's dying are all the negativity within me.

i'm laying to rest my Anxieties.
Rest in peace then, you Cursed Worries and Damn Insecurities!

Golden Girl - II

one night, many months later, i was on the computer, possibly on ICQ, chatting away and the television was turned on. those were the days when they still played MTVs on Channel 5. and "Casper the Friendly Ghost" was a recent release.

the song, "Remember Me This Way" came on. i remember vividly. i was alone in the living room, typing away... when i heard the song, i started to sing along and then suddenly, i started sobbing so heavily. big, fat tears were just rolling down my face.

i stumbled out on the balcony. stumbled because my vision was blurred and there were so many tears. i looked up at the night sky and as far as i remember, it was the first time i didn't believe in God at all. i didn't 'have' a religion but all my life, i had believed in God. it was only a matter of finding out who He is.

but that night, i lost faith. and that was frightening for me then. i felt so alone and i had never felt so frightened. it was as if, life didn't matter. why should it if there was no God?

i remember thinking, "what if Science is right and Religion is bullshit? what if people die and all they become is ashes and dust?"

i said out loud to the sky with no trace of faith at all, "if YOU exist, if YOU'RE there, PROVE IT. i don't believe in you anymore. i need a SIGN. PROVE IT TO ME." now, i don't ask for signs. if you believe, you believe. there's no need for concrete evidence or signs to prove anything. but that was how desperate i was.

after spewing those angry words out, i wiped the tears away and i went back to the computer. i was angry because i felt that He didn't exist at all. not only Him but there was just no God. no buddha, no krishna, no Allah, no nothing.

for the next 2 weeks, life went on but there was a part of me that was empty inside. i felt like a shell. or i was just dead inside. i still went to school. i still laughed and chatted but... it wasn't the same. i was just going through the motions.

and even on our visits to Auntie D then, i felt empty. i didn't even feel sad anymore. i only played a part i had to because i know not everyone else didn't feel sad too. back then, there were 4 of us who very close to Auntie D. we visited her at least 3 times in a week. initially, we were a source of support for her but she gradually started to treat us like her own children.

on this one particular visit 2 weeks later, she was happier than usual and she said she dreamt of Sarah. i remember acting out the "oh!!! tell us!!!" but inside, i was still angry and thought, "so? it's not real. nothing is." i was munching impassively on the snacks she prepared as she related the story.

here it goes:

she had gone into Sarah's room as she did everyday, and sat on the floor to 'talk' to Sarah. she told her that her grandmother was in hospital and that if she was able to, go 'visit' her grandmother at this hospital in this ward. that was that.

a few days later, Robin Hood came rushing over to the house. he rushed in happily, telling Auntie D he had dreamt of Sarah. he dreamt that as he got off his bike at home (he cycled everywhere then), his cousin came running out of the house to demand to know where he's been because Sarah was in the house waiting for him. so Robin Hood ran into the house and she was gone. he turned to ask his cousin where did Sarah go and his cousin replied, "she said she was going to visit her grandmother in the hospital".

+++++

i cried when Auntie D finished her story. that was all the sign i needed. it might have been some sort of weird coincidence. or who knows? perhaps Auntie D had unknowingly mentioned something about Sarah's grandmother being in the hospital to Robin Hood. or he had picked up the information somehow. but it didn't matter.

because that was God's answer to me. i FELT it. because as the story concluded, the peace i felt was unmistakable. i KNEW it was the sign i needed. it was enough.

i have never questioned if God exists since.

Golden Girl - I

i remember getting into an argument with Queen Vic when we were in Secondary 3. Sarah stepped in to mediate. and we became friends, and closer still when we started exchanging stories of who we had crushes on - Mr Animal Rights for me, and Robin Hood for Sarah. Mr Animal Rights and Robin Hood were from the same school, you see.

Sarah and i lived very near each other so we started going home together, sharing even more of our lives. and then she stopped coming to school one day and we learnt that she was sick. but i don't think any of us understood just how.

one afternoon, having just returned from school, the class monitress called. she whispered something about Sarah which i didn't catch. i made her repeat herself twice more before i heard the words, "Sarah passed away this morning."

i went cold and for the first time in my life, i understood the sepration that stands between life and death.

i remember the last time i visited her in the hospital... i left to meet my cousins so we could go out... if i had known, i would have stayed with her all the way. but that's exactly it - we never know when it will be the last time we are with someone.

she was 15. she had been in and out of hospital for so long... had bruises where needles had been inserted to draw blood out for tests.

she was due to be discharged the morning of March 20, 1995. in the wee hours of that morning, the pain started in her abdomen. doctors gave her morphine but it didn't work anymore. she was crying at 2 plus in the morning and she begged her mum for a knife so she could cut out her stomach.

then she slipped into half-consciousness. her dad was rushing home. he was a sailor. finally, her mum whispered in her ear, "if you see the light, go towards it." she nodded weakly and she died.

she was a beautiful girl who had the most powerful voice. Robin Hood was faithful throughout but Sarah cut him off when she fell sick. Queen Vic related to us after, that Sarah had told her once, "Queen Vic, i'm dying." but she didn't think she was serious.

Robin Hood was always chased away whenever he went to visit her. even for Christmas and the New Year. he stood outside her house in the rain to hand her a Christmas present but Sarah refused to let her mum let him in.

he visited her at Mt Vernon everyday with a flower. Auntie D, Sarah's mum, finally had to have a heart to heart talk with him, asking him to move on. he was 16. he would move on in time to come but he needed to learn how to. he cried and said he was afraid he would forget her.

Blue Caps (also from the same school as Mr Animal Rights and Robin Hood) told me when we were together, that he finally understood why there was a period of time when Robin Hood used to sit at the school's rooftop.

Called by Name

i had an obsession with the name 'Sarah' since i was 15. that's because a good friend, Sarah, or the 'Golden Girl' as i called her, passed away then. i never wanted to forget her. and so i held on to everything that she owned, including her name.

'Sarah' is Hebrew for 'princess', a Biblical name from the Old Testament. those were days when i had never considered ever getting baptised though i did want to be a Christian or already was, in my beliefs. but i always thought that i would want to call myself Sarah... or rather, Sera, just so i would feel closer to her.

Sera is short for Seraphina, the angel of love. also Biblical... or maybe from apocalyptic writings. is it apocalyptic...? i forget what texts that are not canonically recognised are called.

in any case, when i eventually started RCIA and it occured to me that i had a chance to choose a name, if i wanted, i assumed i would choose 'Sera'. i didn't even give it much thought... firstly, because it was just a name... and it wasn't even as if i didn't already have a name... and secondly, because i was just so sure it would be 'Sera' i didn't have to consider other alternatives.

some of my friends thought it would be that too.

yet for some strange reason, when i was to submit a name for my certificate, i didn't offer 'Sera'. instead, i stuck to my name.

two questions come to mind now. i'm not sure if it came to my mind then but my thoughts were along similar lines as these questions now:
Will you die for the one you love? (i would, if i don't prove to be a coward when it comes down to that)
Will you live for the one you love?

That is much harder, i feel. imagine you have to watch a loved one die and you're wishing you can die with him since you imagine yourself to be dead without that person by your side anyway... and he turns to you and asks you for the one thing that is probably the biggest request he can make... that you continue to live well and be happy. can you make that promise, knowing that you will be mourning and grieving and missing him for the rest of your life? can you promise to be happy when you are not confident you will ever be again?

and because you love him so much, you promise him: "Yes, i will be happy for you. i will LIVE."

thoughts like that were on my mind as i decided to promise to follow God. i doubt i will have problems feeling sad and being downcast in life because i tend to swing towards negativity and depressive thoughts. it's not difficult to dwell on problems and difficulties.

but could i be happy for Him? after all He's done for me and after this gift of faith and life He's given me, can i be Happy for Him?

i don't know. i'm not confident that i can. but i want to try and i want to commit to that. and so, i stuck with my name. and i'm glad i did. because 'Sera' isn't me. my name is. and it's been my name all along. i read a story before that God has already called us by name before we agree to be with Him. He has already written our names. it's a nice story... fiction probably, to think that He has literally given us a name.

but i understood then as i understand now... what it means to be called by name. because my name is my inspiration... and it only means this much to me, as others' names have that same effect on them... to this day, whenever i am down or feel sad, i try to recall why i settled on this name and it helps. because God doesn't want me to be sad... He wants me to be joyful!

if only i remember it more often!

Excerpts from "Battle for the Kingdom of Heaven Continues" by Sheree Joseph ON LINE Opinion, Australia's e-journal of social & political debate

Lebanon is a land of paradise for so many, the land where Jesus turned water into wine. In a twist of irony Israel has turned the waters of Lebanon blood red. So the cycle of death continues.

... ...

Yet I affirm with conviction that religion will play a role in Lebanon's peace if only the Lebanese people can put aside their differences. When the Muslims and Christians learn to work together as a unified body than it may become a more formidable force, one that no amount of weapons can destroy. This is where religion becomes the hero of peace rather than the scapegoat for war.

Maybe the Kingdom of Heaven is, after all, one big party. A party where people of different religions unite and rejoice together, just as Jesus did all those years ago in Cana when the people were running empty on wine. Maybe Lebanon is just running empty on peace and this is the miracle that can make it the life of the party once more.

Little Women and Great Expectations

i am wondering, how much of our happiness or unhappiness is tied to our own expectations?

it's unreasonable to say we should not have expectations... for we all do. a lot of them are probably valid as it helps us realise who we really are through the boundaries of where we draw our lines or where we hope friendships can be forged with people who don't cross those lines with the ways they treat us or behave.

but i think... a lot of our expectations are not what we even really believe in... but things that consciously or not, we incorporate into our lives and conform to, because they SEEM to be as they should be.

and it took a woman, who, i am ashamed to say, is someone whom i have not given due respect to, to show me how blinded i am sometimes.

over the weekend, we celebrated bak kwa's birthday and N.G. was there. she told us many fascinating stories. leaving aside the gross and unnecessary ones, we'll talk about the colourful ones she shared.

if you have heard her stories, you will understand why us girls floated off into dreamland - where we walk amongst clouds in a different pair of shoes everyday... fly free with a brand new outfit every 2 hours... or accessorise according to the different shades of the sky.

she's got SIX STACKERS (what ARE stackers???) of earrings... walk-in (into ROOMS) closets of clothes... so many that she has to store some of her clothes in Bird Fool's WAREHOUSE!

let's not go into shoes and bags and watches because i will end up daydreaming the rest of the day. and she seems really happy.
now, some of the girls said, why wouldn't she be when she's got so much???

i agree, of course. but i suspect it's got to do more with "Expectations" than how much she has in her life.

i am impressed not by how much she's got but how happy she has kept herself. i am confident that i can have SIX stackers of earrings and warehouses of clothes, shoes, bags, (AND BOOKS!!!) and i might not be as happy as her.

it's not about the possessions. one can have everything in the world and feel empty. but not N.G.

she was there alone without her hubs whereas there were a few other married couples there... and she was enjoying herself thoroughly.
she admitted freely that Bird Fool was not like some of the other hubbies - he's more 'MCP' *hahahaa*... and i can still hear the love in her voice.

i like to tell people who share problems about their relationships, "if it works for the two of you, then IT WORKS". because no two relationship can be the same. and ultimately, if your partner fails you, and the world judges him/her accordingly, you are the only one who can really understand where he/she is coming from and where they have crossed your lines AND what those lines are made of exactly.

unfortunately, not even all friends are as honest nowadays. they only share the beautiful parts of their relationships, sometimes, i feel, to paint that perfect picture so as to hide the cracks. maybe it's to prove they are happy. but to whom?

true friends actually share the cracks. and those instances can bring so much relief and comfort to another who is wondering about their own cracks in their relationships. and because honest opinions are given and stories shared, about relationships or any other kinds of setbacks we face in life, i find that everyone is essentially going through the same situations.

there is no PERFECT relationship, PERFECT job, PERFECT family.
ultimately, and what's most important to me, i learn that there is no PERFECT person who just seems to have everything made and have absolutely no problem in their lives.

there is no need to ask, "How come some people can handle it so well and manage so well AND I CAN'T?"

NO. not all handle it that well. i think those who can, are able to share where they have failed or where they are stumbling. the rest just prettify their situations... possibly because they have the same doubts we do... thinking how come they are the only ones who can't seem to get it together.

and this is why i am impressed by N.G. she's not ashamed of who she is. she knows her values and what she stands for. she loves to party. at her age, that is, my mum's age, she can party harder than a lot of us. and Bird Fool is not like that. and he doesn't like her to party and he doesn't like to be with her when she does. i'm sure she's got her fair share of problems to deal with... what happens when she wants him there but he doesn't want to be?

and one can see that, despite her strong character, she is actually quite submissive to Bird Fool. that's actually very endearing to watch. (on an aside, i attended a conference on Marriage Spirituality and one participant spoke about her submission to her husband, backing it with Ephesians and what struck me was the same thing - how Happy she is with that. Happy, not just accepting.)

now my question is - if a woman's nature is different from a man's, in that women generally assume more care-giving and nurturing roles, possibly because we are built that way, who sold us the concept of being "little women", making us unhappy when we play a "little woman", when perhaps, inside, we are ok playing that role?

hmmm.... i'm not sure. i like to be strong and independent so that not every thing that falls across my path turns my world upside-down, and to know that i can take care of myself and make my own decisions but truth be told, i am a "little woman" inside. my reconciliation between the two lies here - that i am independent enough to MAKE MY OWN DECISION to want to be a housewife and take care of my kids and send them to school and back... and clean the house and wait for my husband to come home.

man, i think i'm ageing. ;)

The Game of Life

"CAUGHT IN DIFFERENT PAGES OF MY OWN HISTORY, MEMORIES MEAN TOO MUCH TO ME. WHILE TRYING TO TAKE NEW STEPS INTO MY FUTURE, I GET CAUGHT IN TOO MANY SELF-IMPOSED TRAPS. STUMBLING, FALLING, REMEMBERING, FEARING, BLEEDING, DARING, FLYING… ARE BUT JUST SOME COMMON STATES I FIND MYSELF IN. SWEAT, TEARS AND BLOOD, WHAT I INVEST INTO THIS GAME OF LIFE I LOVE SO DEAR."

This is just a notice for all three of you who actually come to this blog, IF you still come.

There's a new link, "The Game of Life". Do visit it every once in a while and I sincerely welcome honest comments.

Recently, I find myself writing stories of how what happens in real life play out in my mind. Something happens and it gets translated differently in my private world.

I like it. So I'm just trying something new.

Not everything written on the new blog is real... As to how to differentiate between reality and fiction, well, that is entirely up to the reader and for me to know... of course, pretty often, there isn't a distinction between the two anyway.